Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
