What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
