I cockslap morals
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well I just put wine in my tea
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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