he was CRYING into my vagina
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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