On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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