This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Randomize
