I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
