You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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