I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
