so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
organizing the empties. That sober.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
