If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
