he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I checked into jail on foursquare
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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