it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
