I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
