Your face is a jimmy john
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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