if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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