oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
