I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
