i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
