I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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