Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
