Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
