i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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