Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
