ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
