haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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