she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
