no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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