His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
