I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
