Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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