I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just pee around me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
