So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
