Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
