I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
