I want to walk on stilts...naked
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
