Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
