A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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