I'm lost and stupid without you.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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