I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
