hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
