She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
