Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
