Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
