three words: i give head
three words: not that well
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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