It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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