guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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