I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Randomize
