Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
