I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
