i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
